How to Win Friends and Influence People

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How to Win Friends and Influence People

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If you would like to learn more about human nature to become more versatile and powerful in your social interactions, then you should read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. In this informative book, Carnegie teaches how to effectively handle people to attain the outcome you desire. He does this using thorough and effective evidence, quotes, and examples that add authority to his claims and ideas. This book contains 4 main sections to teach you how to handle people, get people to like you, get people to think like you, and be a leader. Within these 4 main sections, you will find 30 or so principles relating to human nature. Each one of these principles is related to handling people for the betterment of everyone involved, and each of these points is backed by multiple pieces of strong, supportive evidence. This is an amazing book to pick up if you are looking to grow your business, become a better salesperson, or just become a more powerful conversationalist. How to Win Friends and Influence People will give you real, detailed, and easy to follow methods and tactics that you can use in your everyday life to be a more sociable person.

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About the Author

Dale Carnegie was a writer, lecturer, and teacher of many different classes and topics. He is the author of one of the very first best-selling self-improvement books, How to Win Friends and Influence People. He also wrote several other books including Lincoln the Unknown and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Due to the fact that Dale Carnegie was such an inspirational and intelligent teacher, many self-improvement and informational training programs are named after him. These programs have been leaving a legacy in Carnegies honor since his death in 1955. The training programs are based on the Dale Carnegie course. This powerful human relations and speaking training course has been completed by over 8 million people worldwide. Many people attend these programs at various facilities all over the world in order to grow and expand their business in a positive and effective way. The lessons taught in Carnegies programs remain effective years after they were originally developed, and we believe they always will be effective.

Section One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

This book contains 30 principles sorted into 4 main sections. The first of these sections is Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. This chapter contains 3 principles:

  • Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain

    Because it is human nature to justify faults without honest confession or reason, we must not criticize others. Criticism will only lead to resentment. Resentment will make any interaction go poorly for you.

  • Give honest and sincere appreciation

    If you are not to criticize, then what should you do to get your point across? The answer is honest, sincere, and heartfelt appreciation. People will react far more effectively when shown praise rather than criticism.

  • Arouse in the other person an eager want

    In order to get the desired response out of someone, you must make them want to do it. To be the most productive you must work together towards a mutual goal.

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Section Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You

The second section of the book will teach you how to get a person to like you and want to work with you. This is an important skill to have because it can grow trust and create mutual agreement. The principles in this chapter are:

  • Become genuinely interested in other people

    People care much more about themselves than they will ever care about you. By appealing to their interests you will have a much easier time getting them to like you.

  • Smile

    The act of smiling is so simple, yet so effective. A simple smile will put everyone around you in a better mood. This includes you. Making people happy will make them like you more, so smile often.

  • Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language

    Remembering someone’s name, especially when interacting with a business client, is very effective. It shows that you care about the individual enough to know them by name. This makes them feel special rather than making them feel like just another client.

  • Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

    Ask tons of questions. Let the other person do all of the talking, and make them talk about themselves. Be sure to remember what they say and ask questions often. They will love it, and they will love you for it.

  • Talk in terms of the other person’s interest

    People are selfish. Nobody cares about what you want; they only care about their interests. By showing a person what they will get out of a situation you are fostering an enthusiastic supporter that would love to work with you.

  • Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

    It is only natural to want to feel important. Everybody has an ego inside of them that needs to be fed. By sincerely feeding this ego you will, in the process, make a new friend.

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Section Three: Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Now that you are able to get somebody to like you, you want to be able to get them to think on the same page as you. This section will tell you how by using the following tactics.

  • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

    An argument will only ever lead to resentment from both sides, and as we have stated before, resentment is bad for any type of social interactions. Arguing with someone will just make them harder to deal with and less likely to listen.

  • Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong

    Similar to arguments, saying “You’re Wrong” creates resentment. Telling someone they are wrong will only solidify their beliefs further. Even if they truly are wrong, so don’t say it.

  • If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

    If you are wrong about something, then you should quickly admit to you. People will respect this about you and usually be very generous afterward.

  • Begin in a friendly way

    This is an obvious one. Nobody is going to want to think like you if you make a rude and nasty first impression.

  • Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes

    By getting the person to say “yes” repeatedly you are getting them into a mindset of acceptance. This is a great starting point if you want to get somebody to think like you or adopt your ideas and beliefs.

  • Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

    As stated previously, people care a great deal more about themselves than they will ever care about you. Because of this, it is better to let the other person do more of the talking.

  • Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers

    When people are being creative they are much more likely to be excited to get things done. If you can guide someone to think of your idea before you do, they will be enthusiastic about it.

  • Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

    It is important in life to look at things from other people’s point of view. You will be doing both yourself and the other person a favor.

  • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

    Why would you expect someone to care about your ideas when you won’t be sympathetic with theirs?

  • Appeal to the nobler motives

    If people see you as a noble, humble person, then they are more likely to follow in your way of thinking. Show other people that you have noble motives to gain their trust and respect.

  • Dramatize your ideas

    You should never just simply state your idea and leave it at that. Make the intended audience fall in love with your idea; make it sound exciting and new.

  • Throw down a challenge

    Challenges motivate us every single day. If somebody challenges you to do something you are more likely to do it. Use this to your advantage; set challenges for people to raise the bar.

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Section Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

The last chapter of How to Win Friends and Influence People will teach you how to be a successful leader that spreads positivity. The lessons in this chapter includes:

  • Begin with praise and honest appreciation

    This will set a good mode and relax both parties of the interaction. Showing appreciation will put anyone at ease, and this will make them easier to persuade.

  • Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

    Early you learned about why you should not tell someone “You’re Wrong”. Directly pointing out a mistake is more or less doing the same thing. You do not want to diminish a person’s ego and put them in a defensive mindset.

  • Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

    If you admit your faults it makes the other person more likely to feel comfortable doing the same. It also disarms them and prevents anyone from feeling inferior.

  • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

    Rather than telling someone what to do, you should ask questions that direct them to the same conclusion. This will make them more likely to follow through because they feel like the idea is theirs.

  • Let the other person save face

    It is a bad idea to diminish someone’s pride, especially in front of their co-workers. If you must, then do it privately, but it is better to not at all. If you do not make them look or feel inferior they will be motivated to work hard.

  • Praise every improvement

    People react far better to praise than they do to criticism. By praising improvement you will make them crave more and feel good, therefore, making them work harder.

  • Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

    Give a person a good image in the workplace and they will thrive to be this image. Make them look and sound good in order to make them thrive to be better every day.

  • Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

    When you are looking at a fault make it sound like a small and easy to repair issue. The smaller you make a problem sound the quicker a person is to act on it.

  • Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest

    People always have a reason for doing what they do. If they have no reason to be doing what you suggest, then they simply will not do it. Make them feel happy and excited to do what you suggest.

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Conclusion

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a very powerful book with quotes and examples from the lives of powerful people including president Abe Lincoln. This is a strong non-fictional book that has received a lot of positive publicity in the past and recent years. If you are looking to get the most out of every social situation and obtain more friends, you should pick up this book. You will reap the benefits of the lessons in this book for the rest of your life in both your personal life and business interactions.

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